My gay brother's jr. high girlfriend has turned dominatrix and is stalking me.

Okay, I'm seriously exaggerating this time.
She's only threatened to stalk me. She said that she will lurk outside my apartment until I come out if I don't call her. Soon. She says she doesn't believe me when I promise to call, and I admit she's right- I'm lying. Kindly she explains that she doesn't want to stalk me because she likes me and she doesn't think I would appreciate it. Once, she even had an epileptic seizure on the floor of her office. I was the emergency contact.

Tony is absolutely humiliated. I make jokes about spilling the story to a table full of friends over his birthday cake, but he doesn't laugh. He grinds his teeth but still manages to say something about how I wouldn't dare. I've invited him to work this whole thing out over a session mediated by Jerry Springer, but he won't take responsibility for this mess. It's my opinion that if it weren't for his crappy choices in women, I wouldn't have this situation. Considering his trashy preferences as a wanna-be heterosexual man, it turns out to be a real blessing for our famly that he's homo after all.

I've reached my threshold for drama at this point.
An increase on the soma mg's will do me some good.