You think it not twoo?

Ahhh.... nail salons. A woman's safe haven. There was a time I actually wept with my feet in the hands of a total stranger. Seemingly one of my lives had come to an end, and the fashion magazines advised relief in the safe hands of a manicurist/pedicurist. I pulled into the broken parking lot of my local strip mall to collect my remedy. The little vietnamese lady tenderly set to work on my feet as I sat in a black pleather vibrating throne. When she asked how I was, I pretty much fell apart by morphing into a pile of tears and snot. Occassionaly, I'd laugh through the sobbing when the pumice tickled the pads of my feet. As compassionate a therapist as she was, I was far too humiliated to show my face in that little shop again.

Yesterday, I made yet another little pilgramage to the local Nails Salon: Medi/Pedi $28. Never fear my loyal subscriber, I kept my shit together.

An interview with a nail technician (as best as I can make out) goes like this:

So, how long have you ladies worked here? (for there is one at my feet, and one behind the desk at my hands)
Tree years.
(the other nods.) Tree years.
Wow, and you spend a lot of time together in this little shop don't you? Do you ever get into big fights with eachother?
No.
(other) Yes.(head nod accompaniment)
(arguing in vietnamese ensues)
So... (interrupting) do you ever have people with nasty nasty toes and feet come in for a pedicure?
Oh, yes. Disgusting. Very bad.
And did you send them away and refuse to touch them?
No, I had a lady very bad. I just do them.
You just did them and then went and soaked the instruments right away, huh?
Yes.
(everyone gets very quiet now. I thought I was funny but I do believe they think I'm an undercover health inspector come to hijack their livelihood)
So do you have boyfriend? (quick change of subject)
No, I don't have a boyfriend
(shrieks fill the room) Nooooo. You so pritty.
(other) So pritty.
I know yo problem. You no go out to movies or bar. Nutting.
No, I do.
Ohhhh. We find you Vietnamese friend.
(quiet)
Are the women that come in here very nice to you? Sometimes ladies can be so picky.
I wook here tree years, everyone very nice. No one mean to me.
Do, you all take turns doing manicures and pedicures?
Right. We'ya on rotation. One time a guy came in here and tipped owa boss 100 dollar bill, he come in next time and ask fo hir, but she said no she can do it because she not next in rotation. He tip only 12 dollar.
Wait- a guy?
Guy come in all da time. In morning
The morning huh. When there aren't so many women here huh? Cowards.
Most don't want color, but some-they want color.
No!
You think it not twoo, but it is twoo! One guy come in with wife. She says 'Get pedicure. Get color' he say 'No!' she say "Yeah go ahead". He got green. He come in next time want blue. He come in everytime wit her now.
No!
You think it not twoo! Musician come in here. Want their fingers black. Want toes paint blue yellow blue yellow blue.
No!
Yes. It's twoo. Sometimes even this (she picks up a bright red polish with glitter)
I saw a man walk into a nail salon once. The whole place went quiet in a flash.
Right. When man comes in, nobody talk any more.
Everyone in the salon is laughing good belly laughs.

I spray my hands down once more with mink oil, and begin to stare down the wall clock while my hands and feet soak up the ultraviolet dry lamps.

Headache all day today, but damn it's fun to be a girl.