Calming down a bit now and getting into normal sleep. Last night in my dreams I searched Gaps city wide for the perfect sweat suit in a heather grey small top and medium pants. At the end I wrapped myself around a hesitant monster man on a dark mountain top.

But, my attention focuses back to good clean fun, a spotless apartment, and dinners carefully prepared. Basically, no good stories to expound on, and I think that's just fine. My skin is looking pretty and well on it's way to having that 'Highland Park' glow.

Plans for my southward departure gel up. I have had nothing but the go worm about it from the start, and then today I felt a little prick at the meat of my arm where my mother used to grab me when I acted up.

Going to Mexico means my feet pivot. I accept the cash buy out and take my little golden parachute where the sun always shines. I forgo the great chance of an uber-promotion, and play all the sillies out.
Meanwhile....
a lady in the office brings me bridal magazines to look out. Some of it looks very beautiful, but all of the models in the main photo spread have serious faces and a grayish tint to their skin that makes them look like dead prom queens. We stand around it and laugh at a dumb way to blow 25 thousand dollars.

25 thousand dollars is a down payment on a house. It's a wedding. It's a new car. It's a move to Mexico. It's ollie ollie oxen free on the student loans. It's a small business loan. It's all of these one at a time, but not all together.

This morning on the drive to work, I felt myself ready to be in love like a wave, like a just released chemical. It was pining and wonderful, and I thought to myself that somehow, I must have already fallen in love, but didn't know with whom. With someone that I've caught just a glimpse of, but who hasn't completely materialized yet. A ghost. A chemical is all.