Driving to work this morning and sitting in traffic I thought of two things 1-bloody murder and 2-these two really great mysterious voicemails I received recently.

The first is an unrecognizable male voice that says quick and stern:
'Stop smoking in bed.'

Funny, I don't ever smoke in bed, but if I did, I imagine I would have been pretty freaked out. Might have stopped dancing around my living room in my underwear with the mini-blinds open even. But of course I don't smoke in bed, so what the hell am I gonna to do? Solid Gold!

Then last night I checked my voicemail messages from a phone I'm trying to 'phase out' for now. Three messages. The first was some back ground noise. The second was a long silence. The last was a bit of two young men talking and then the famous shrieking violin that complemented that unforgettable shower scene: PSYCHO.

So, I have no idea who left either note, but I'm hoping it's the same person.

I love you.
Marry me.
I think we could make some really beautiful children together...

______________________________

Please see the below e-mail that was actually forwarded to me by an adult in my office. This is probably the 2nd or 3rd time that this shit has been e-mailed to me, and quite honestly I can not understand the allure.

I bet they all have a stuffed animal collection on their bed, and Winnie the pooh table settings, Sweet Jesus. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the voting public:

******
******
******
******
**********
(,)(,)

*.....*
You have just been visited by Dr.Suess's Cat in the Hat. He will grant
you
one wish.
Make your wish when the count down is over.
10..
9..
8..
7..
6..
5..
4..
3..
2..
1..
MAKE A WISH
Send this to 10 people within the hour you read this.
If you do, your wish will come true. If you don't it will become the
opposite.
___
screw you. no no no, wait. screw me.