Good fences make good neighbors
Yesterday at Claudia's, we began to clean out the vines that had overgrown her backyard.
It felt good to separate the good guys from the bad guys because it was so obvious and easy.
It became clear to me again why people want houses. To be able to manage what is good in their very own backyards, to take their shirts off if they want, to and eat a turkeyburger off the grill as the sun goes down and the crickets start singing.

The night before I ran into Eddie at the coffehouse. He wanted to know why I gave credit to the full moon and none to the stars. I don't want to know the future, this is overwhelming enough I said. Well maybe not the future perhaps, but to know when things are a good time to do this or a bad time to do that, he said. I can't even keep track of my car keys I said. Now you're just being silly he said. I don't want the insights I said. Why? he asked.

I can never understand why people have such a hard time with this. Why do they think people lock so much of it away in their unconscious ... the reason is because it is as horifying as it is beautiful. I tried to explain this to Eddie- that my underlying problem with it was the real selfishness that you discover about people. The motives become clear and it's usually very sad and sometimes desperate. Selfish, yes, he understood that, but where was the problem with that he wanted to know. I'd hate to pull the gender card, I said, however- I think it's because I'm a woman, and the selfishness is what really bothered me. I'm selfish too of course...I admitted. So, you'd rather close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist he asked. It's not a question of indulging or denying it, because there are different degrees and variations inbetween. Our conversation trailed off when a blond women walked up behind him. His attention turned to matters of sex. My resolve justfied in his distraction, I turned away and back to an old schoolmate I was with. I wanted to tell her what had just happened, but knew she wouldn't understand.

Sometimes people get offended at the pressure like I got that night. I'm not offended or intimidated. People like Eddie are lonely, and I believe that there are certain places in the concsious world one should not open if one does not like to be alone. From what I understand there is a benefit to those people as haveing a deeper understanding of eachother and they feel seemless amongst themselves, but I do not see many of them that are that way; like Eddie they are incomplete too. There are just too few of him out there.

My boss has just logged on, and I hear the windows greeting music come out of his office. 'Such a sweet sound...' he says softly to himself, only he is deaf, so when he speaks softly to himself I can overhear it...
The work day starts.
Adeu.