I don't mean to offend you...but
I'm being told by the office gang that eating so much peanut butter straight from the jar is incredibly dangerous. The green reduced fat banner makes no difference. No difference at all they say.
huh.
I'm growing apathetic to my blog. Neglecting it....locking it in a dark moldy closet with very little food and letting it defecate on itself in the quiet.
I've been obsessing over two things lately. The one I can talk about without my meds close by is on the topic of sincerity. What got me thinking on this was an exchange that I had with my mother. She had baked me a very fine cake for an event, a cake lovingly refered to by friends as "The Cake". A very charming little chocolate delectable made with Dutch processed cocao, guiness, and some other stuff that I don't know about. Anyways, I was thanking my mother for taking the time and trouble for her contribution as it were, and she smirked and said 'uh-okay...???' Not the pat response we've all come to know and expect: 'You're welcome' which said to me that I was not quite acting as myself, but weird somehow. I asked whether she didn't think I seemed sincere in my appreciation, which she replied, 'I don't know'.
So what is sincere? How do I capture it? Recognize? In asking, does it prove my virtue or my void? (It's all about me)
Main Entry: sin·cere
Pronunciation: sin-'sir, s&n-Function: adjective
1 : marked by genuineness : TRUE
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Still not at all clear...
Main Entry: gen·u·ine
Pronunciation: 'jen-y&-w&n, -(")win, ÷-"wIn
1 a : actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character
A deep and genuine love huh. This is supposed to add clarification to the definition...how? (Any cynics in the house tonight Ladies and Gentlemen?)
Actual. Matafactual. (Is that a word? No it is not. Where did that come from?)
Pretense-free sounds good.
How can one be absolutely sure one is being sincere...if one was striving to be more so?
Aren't shallow people as sincere as anyone else might be?
Isn't that a tick in their favor?
By trying to be more sincere, doesn't one miss the point?
I'm baffled.
What sort of professional can I waste some good money on to get to the bottom of this shit?
What is their name, where do they sit, and how do I go about finding the very best one?
Some shrunken professor in an east coast university basement office perhaps...quiet...
messing himself.
and playing chess
on the internet
with an older woman who looks like a praying mantis.
A cambodian lady actually;
behind the scenes of a thoughtfully organized human trafficing operation.
with cooperatives in several north Parisian slums.
nigerians are involved mostly.
how will I ever find you
my genius love?
my butter butt,
Merriam Webster means nothing to me.
I'd give the whole thing up for you.
creamy, chunky, allofit.
Promise to forget that slut in Korea or wherever the fuck she is.
Just come home now.
Your little pancake waits-
falling apart without you.
Blink twice if you can hear me.
Blink twice
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