"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." Goodbye Katherine Hepburn. Thanks for everything.
...because well behaved women never make history.

A FIREMAN INTERVIEW GOES LIKE THIS:
Did you always want to be a fireman, you know, as a kid? No, not at all. I decided a year and a half ago that I wanted a career that made 35, 000 a year. I'm tired of jobs like waiting tables
Do you itend on posing for a calendar to distribute as Christmas gifts for family and friends?
I hadn't considered it, but I do have the suspenders and fireman hat.
Great. What sort of life insurance policy do you have?
I don't have one yet. What do you think a funeral costs?
10-15
(yadda yadda)... throw me in the ocean (yadda yadda)
What do firemen do while waiting for fires to happen? Does the fire station have a very extensive library?
(Wild laughter) I don't think so. I don't know what they do, I'm really just in training right now. Well...I'm wondering if this is really for me after all...
So you don't think firemen read? It sounds like a frathouse without any beer. Do they still have fireman poles in the firehouses? Do you have to take a class on that?
Yes, I think that training lasts about a year to a year and a half.
Can you be vegetarian and be a firefighter because it seems like they grill an awful lot.
That's a very good question, and I'm actually a vegetarian. (pause) Yeah, I think I'm probably going to get my ass kicked.
Can you be a fag and be a fireman both?
I'm sure that they're out there...I mean fags like to work out a lot and pump iron which is something that firemen like to do- but something I don't like to do.
What was the fireman interview like?
They had a normal interview, then they had a part where they tried to put a lot of pressure on you about how gross some of the victims were, they're like 'Have you ever seen a dead body' and I'm like, well, yeah at funerals and stuff like that. Then they had a polygraph part where they ask you about all the drugs you've done, and you know, you're cool as long as you tell them the truth. Like I told them that I did crack, crank, regular cocaine, LSD, mushrooms, valiums, ludes, and you know, pot every once in a while. They asked other stuff too, like if I'd ever had sex with an animal or whatever, like it's any of their business or whatever.
I think it's against the law.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Are there any women in your class?
No, and I'm really pissed- all women that work for the city are fat and ugly
Maybe you can start a campaign to recruit better looking women to work for the city.
Whatever...hey, I've never seen two cats doing it before.
(Loud meowing in the backround, compliments of Kirk)
My neighbor -- his girlfriend screams like that, but his old girlfriend was a lot louder
Like she's in pain or something?
I dunno
Well, do you think that he asks them to do that or do you think that they just do that on their own.
I dunno.
I don't think I've ever known any guys to be 'screamers'.
(dead quiet)...that was really a wierd thing to say.
Hey ...why can we talk about women screaming but not men?
Because dudes don't scream.
Why not?
Because it would sound something like this: (Kirk and the fireman preceed to hoot and hollar like a redneck at a live sporting event with swimsuit models at half-time passing out free Coors.)
So, how was Xpo lounge- the wedding tonight?
I just wanted to go home, I was sort of tired of my company.
You just wanted to get rid of the bitch right?
Well, it's just that she's into stuff I don't want to be into anymore you know...and she just fucks with my head.
Yeah you've got to be careful now that you're a city employee and stuff because the headlines will read "Area fireman caught with an underage prostitute and dead in his own vomit."
Yeah, but I don't care. Life ain't fun unless you're getting into a little bit of trouble. I don't want to just sit around in my apartment you know bored and stuff.
I guess you're right.
Come on Big Red. Come on Flea, time to go home.
Good night guys.