The fair season once again. By now I have it mastered. Where not to park to avoid getting bird pooped, the best time to go with the fewest crowds or no crowds at all (I’ll never tell), and how to stare forward no matter how huge that woman who just walked by’s breasts were.

This year’s highlights included me holding a one-week-old-kid, seeing two (2!) Clydesdale erections at the Budweiser tent, and riding the ferris wheel with my precious, funny-faced Sugar-Britches.

Lowlights included my quick study of the cooking demo guys, the bummed out old lady at the cotton exhibit got all pathetic and political about the cheated Texas cotton industry, and my constant tripping over motorized Rascals operated by people rendered handicapped by their own fat.

The usual freak show, minus the baby animal petting zoo. (This almost ruined the whole thing)